


and we all fall down

by daydreams_and_fanqueens



Category: Captain Marvel (2019), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Carol Danvers POV, Gen, an elaboration on the feelings in canon, first person POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:27:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26688163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daydreams_and_fanqueens/pseuds/daydreams_and_fanqueens
Summary: The Kree are a nation of warriors - warrior heroes, as I’d said to Fury. We were rational, and “didn’t let emotions override judgement” - something Yon-Rogg had told me countless times. We weren’t supposed to feel fear.Well, I’ve never been very adept at suppressing my emotions.“Okay,” I say. I feel very young.My eyes are damp, but I don’t let any tears fall. After a moment, I hang up the phone.Yon-Rogg is my closest friend. I could trust him.(Right?)
Relationships: Carol Danvers & Nick Fury, Carol Danvers & Yon-Rogg
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	and we all fall down

**Author's Note:**

> I was rewatching Captain Marvel (because why would I not) and I really noticed for the first time how Carol/Vers really seemed so lost and almost child-like at the end of her conversation with Yon-Rogg, and I wanted to elaborate on that. So you get this fic, which is really just rephrasing canon while putting some of the visual emotions into words (because if you're like me, you understand everything a thousand times better in writing).
> 
> Needless to say, I own none of the dialogue or characters presented here.

Fury and I enter the records room deep underground, and head quickly towards the rows labeled L. Buzzing lights kick on loudly whenever we enter a row, but since the rest of the room is only illuminated by the lights going down the main hallway, most of the rows of shelves are cloaked in darkness.

I head down a row, Fury following, and pull out two boxes. I hand one to Fury, and we lean against the towering shelves as we investigate the boxes’ contents.

I unfold a sheet of paper, and laugh when I see it’s a blueprint. “Lawson’s plan for the light-speed engine.” Then I notice the stamp in the bottom right corner, the bright red ink contrasting the blue of the plan. “I wonder why they terminated the project.”

“Maybe because she’s… cuckoo.” Fury shows me an unlined journal crammed with writing, blocks of handwritten notes wrapping around each other like a puzzle. The alphabet isn’t one I expected to see on C-53, though.

“Kree glyphs?” I say, mostly to myself as I study the pages.

“Hmm?”

“Lawson is not cuckoo,” I say, skimming her notes. “She’s Kree.”

Possibilities flood my mind. I just have to contact Lawson - maybe she can help me find answers to the visions the Skrulls put _(found?)_ in my head. She can explain how I know her, what the Skrulls want with her, and maybe even my past-

“Well, she’s dead,” Fury says, and the beginnings of ways to find answers quickly crumble into dust.

I look up from Lawson’s notebook. “What?”

“She crashed the Asis aircraft doing an unauthorized test flight. Took a pilot down with her. That’s why security here is so unfriendly; they’re covering up a billion-dollar mistake.” He takes a small stack of photographs from the file he’d been looking through and flips it around to show me the first picture. “Oh, and your light speed engine is toast.”

I take the photographs and examine the top picture. It’s a black-and-white photo that shows a small island. On the island’s beach is a ring of waves in the sand from shockwaves expanding outwards from Lawson’s crash site. I suddenly think of my recurring dream: the smoke and burning ruins of my home planet, the whistling wind that seemed to carry people’s cries, the small explosions ringing out through the destruction.

“When did this crash happen?” I ask, swallowing. I flip to the next photograph, showing a closer look at the charred sand.

“Six years ago. 1989.”

I feel like I’m standing at the edge of a chasm, with nothing but unrevealing darkness ahead, and no telling how far the drop is. “Who was the pilot?”

“Most of this thing’s redacted, but there is a testimonial here from a… Maria Rambeau? Last person to see them alive.”

I’m very still. I think of the flashes of scenes I had seen on the Skrulls’ ship, of the familiarity of the rundown bar.

Fury checks his buzzing communicator, then glances at me. “You okay?”

A few seconds too late, I hum an affirmative. I feel sick, but I keep my face blank. I may not be able to turn off my emotions like I’m required to, but at the very least, I can try to hide my thoughts.

Fury looks at me for a moment, then says, “Back in a minute.”

I breathe as he walks away, trying to prepare myself for the last step off the cliff. Once Fury’s turned the corner, I grab the file he’d set on the shelf. I flip past a censored transcript until I reach what I suppose I’d known would be there.

The photograph paperclipped into the file shows Lawson and the woman from my memories - Maria Rambeau - with a man I don’t recognize. What I’m focusing on, though, is a figure in the background climbing into the pilot seat of a jet.

She’s the pilot for Lawon’s light-speed engine that crashed six years ago.

_This isn’t about fighting wars. This is about ending them._

The pilot looks just like me.

* * *

I slip out of the records room while Fury's gone, and I modify the communication device tucked away in a dim alcove in one of the barren hallways so I can contact Yon-Rogg.

“I know Lawson was Kree,” I say. “She was here on C-53 and died in a plane crash.” My voice wavers slightly at that, but I steady it as I ask, “Do you know anything about this?”

_“I just discovered a mission report sent from C-53. There’s only so much I’m cleared to tell you, Vers, but…”_ There’s a pause, like he’s weighing what to say. _“Lawson was an undercover Kree operative named Mar-Vell. She was working on a unique energy core, experimenting with tech that apparently… could help us win the war.”_

“Does it say anything about me?”

_“Anything about you - no, of course not. Why would it?”_

“I found evidence that I had a life here.” I think of the scenes - memories - the Skrulls had uncovered: the banter between Maria and I before entering our planes; the thrill of speed and the adrenaline rush of a childhood race; singing loudly with Maria to a song I can’t remember; watching the starry sky as a child, listening to stories about the stars; telling those same stories to another little girl. I’d never known a life like it - except it seemed I had, once.

_“On C-53?”_

I swallow. “Mar-Vell is who I see when I visit the Supreme Intelligence, I knew her. And I knew her as Lawson.”

_“This sounds like a Skrull simulation, Vers.”_

“No, it’s not, because I _remember,_ I was here-”

_“Stop. Remember your training. Know your enemy - it could be you. Do not let your emotions override your judgement. We’re nearing the jump-point. Leave your beacon on so I can find you. We’ll get to the bottom of this, Vers. Together.”_

The Kree are a nation of warriors - warrior heroes, as I’d said to Fury. We were rational, and “didn’t let emotions override judgement” - something Yon-Rogg had told me countless times. We weren’t supposed to feel fear.

Well, I’ve never been very adept at suppressing my emotions.

“Okay,” I say. I feel very young.

My eyes are damp, but I don’t let any tears fall. After a moment, I hang up the phone.

Yon-Rogg is my closest friend. I could trust him.

_(Right?)_

**Author's Note:**

> Doubtlessly others have touched on this before, but if they haven't, I'd just like to mention how Bucky and Carol's experiences were similar: Carol talking to Yon-Rogg about how she knew Mar-Vell as Lawson, and Bucky with " _But I knew him._ " It just tugs on my heart.
> 
> Thank you for reading this, and I hope you enjoyed! I'm endlessly grateful for kudos and comments. Feel free to tell me what you thought!


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